– The source of all lives and all pleasures
Going down on a woman can be one of the most wonderful things you can do for a woman. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and has the potential to give her an exceptional Orgasm. Many women love it, and for those who require a large amount of clitoral stimulation, it is the easiest way to orgasm. ‘Nothing can compare to the feeling of a warm wet tongue sliding across a woman’s vulva and clitoris’.
Besides, lots of women expect it these days and men who perform great cunnilingus (going down on a woman or ‘giving head’) are always appreciated and considered fabulous lovers.
Just as in all human sexual behaviour, both the techniques used in ‘cunnilingus’ and individual responses to them are varied. To be good at it you have to be an excellent reader of her body, her breathing, her movements, and what she may be telling you with words. Everything you do is for your partner in that moment and not based on a performance expectations, lessons from pornographic movies, or previous oral sex experiences.
Communication is very important to a pleasurable cunnilingus and sex in general. While women fear chasing a partner away by being too demanding in bed, they can also lose them if they are totally unresponsive to their lover’s efforts. A woman must therefore guide her lover with a lot of detailed and accurate instructions. The guidance can come in the form of verbal commands, auditory sounds, hand gestures, and body movements. Vocal sounds can provide a lot of feedback too.
If something feels good, say “Yes,” if something does not, tell your partner what does. Always be positive. Grasp your lover’s head with your hands and guide their mouth to where you want it. If you want them to stay put, wrap your legs around them and hold their body in place. The person performing the head job should ask their partner for guidance, asking her if she likes what they are doing. Women should be honest with their partner, never faking pleasure or orgasm.
Make sure your hands are clean, and your nails are trimmed as you’ll probably want to use your hands as well as your mouth on her. Shave your stubble – nothing kills the mood quite like sandpaper on her sensitive parts.
If you’re anxious about your partner’s genital smell take a romantic bath or shower together and then go down on her. Getting naked and wet with each other is never a bad idea, and as you get more comfortable you will probably find that your partners taste and smell trigger more arousal than anything else. Some people use flavoured lubricants, and many dental dams (great for safer sex) which are flavoured also. Experimenting with ice cream, jam, or honey is not a bad idea.
Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know she loves. Use your hands and mouth all over her body which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When she’s good and excited and her hips are thrusting and the moans pretty regular, head south.
Be creative with positioning so that you are both relaxed and feel like you can move around. Also use pillows for added comfort. Best when you are comfortable. Some people will find it hard on their neck to lie between their partners legs with their head poised over her vulva. For others this will work just great. It’s however okay to change positions and move around.
The clitoris is the main target here, but don’t forget the rest of her body. There may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the everyday to out of this world effect. Use your fingers to spread her lips and take a good look at her clitoris, her labia, her mons, her vagina, her perineum and so on.
Be gentle. Many women have very sensitive clits, so don’t attack her vulva too strongly. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris. Lick her like an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit and back down the other side. Big soft licks from stem to stern with a wide flat tongue stimulate all the nerves in her genital area. Go gently then speed it up a bit and focus more on the clitoral area to push her towards orgasm.
Experiment with different strokes. If you’re not sure, ask her to give you feedback while you try different kinds of strokes, circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if she flinches, discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error, just try something else.
Let her give you some guidance. If you’ve ever seen her masturbate, you have some idea how she likes her clit to be touched. If you don’t ask her to show you how, or you can offer her your hand and ask her to demonstrate the kind of stroking she prefers by placing hers on top of yours.
Take her clit in your mouth and gently suck on it. Use your mouth to suck on or nibble her labia. Roll your tongue into a tube around her clitoris. Slide it back-and-forth; in effect, your tongue is doing something similar to a woman’s vagina around a man’s penis. This is likely to bring any woman over the edge to an explosive orgasm.
Insert your tongue into her vaginal opening. Move your tongue in and out, as well as in circles around the inside of her opening. Build up the intensity level gradually. Once you’re into it, use your whole face. Bury yourself in her pussy, get your tongue in as far as possible, and use your nose for more pressure. Not only does this feel good physically, it lets her know you are really into her.
Adding a little finger-fucking is a great complement to clitoral stimulation. When she’s good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers and gently insert it into her vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on her clitoris and lick her while you penetrate her. This won’t do it for all women, but many love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
The actual techniques employed vary from couple to couple. The sensitivity of a woman’s vulva and clitoris will determine what type of stimulation she likes and is most responsive to. There are women who like a slow soft touch, others like a fast firm touch. The structure of her genitals will determine what is possible. A woman with well-developed inner labia may like to have them sucked on; a woman with small or absent inner labia will not be able to experience this. If a woman has clitoris that projects outward or is well developed, her partner will be able to suck on it like a small penis. If a woman has a small or hidden clitoris, her partner may only be able to lap at it. There is one important rule though, unless you intend to tease her, keep up your rhythm and intensity once you start bringing her close to orgasm. Nothing upsets a woman more during cunnilingus than having her partner break their rhythm, or wander off the spot, when they are on the verge of orgasm. Keep a steady pace, try not to stop. Women like steady stimulation, so don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when she’s getting ready to go over the top; her moans, her thighs pressing against your head, her body arching, her hands tightening on your head! When the orgasm washes over her, she’ll let you know when to stop.
Sometimes it can take women longer to cum than men, and many women are anxious about this. Whatever you do, don’t make her feel bad about how long it’s taking, and hang in there for the long haul. If you need to stop or charge things up, that’s okay, but don’t make it about her “taking too long”.
Excerpted from: ESOTERIC EROTICA: The Ultimate Practical Guide to a Sizzling Sex Life