Fanning The Flames of Passion

Give Sex The Time It Deserves


Someone once told me that “if love is a god then sex is the way to serve it”. Sex is the most powerful force in the universe. It is the source of all lives and all pleasure.

Sexual fulfillment is a great factor in human happiness. Beyond mere biological satisfaction, spiritual ecstasy is within the grasp of every mature person, who is both sensuous and adventurous. For decades the emphasis has been on achieving the big “O”. Straining to reach orgasm has taken away much of the sensate focus on pleasure in the moment. We have become so intent on climaxing that our sensory responses are diminished. The mind feeds upon the stimulation of all five senses.

Upon meeting a new person, as we receive impressions, our mind sort and determines whether this will be a future relationship. It is a matter of life and death that people take time to know each other. Sex with love and commitment is the sweetest sensation almighty God ever created. I would trade anything for it. It is what I call magic sex. Too many people give up the search and live out their entire lives having sex with strangers. Well in every sexual experience you learn one or two things. But this behaviour I think is not appropriate. We live in a threatening world where we cannot jump into sexual relationships without rational thinking. While sex is best when it is playful and spontaneous, it also needs to be thoughtful. Spontaneity will blossom later after you know more about a person.

The best way to great sexual intimacy is to practice outercourse before intercourse. This helps both of you to really get to know each other in the deepest sense.

There is a consensus of female opinion that men tend to rush sex, often cutting off a budding relationship before it fully blossoms. It is better to start warming each other up on a ‘slow burner’; you will both reach ‘full heat’ without strain or struggle. The longer you simmer, the hotter it gets.

When we slow down we are able to fully savour the pleasure of our senses. This way you will really get to know a lot about the each other. When passion is consummated with intercourse, it produces great pleasurable sensations.

Communication is the key to great sex. There might be things we feel we cannot say for fear of being hurt, especially if we‘ve had a bad experience or been let down in the past. However if you cannot communicate properly with your partner, you can become distant from one another and that distance will affect your love-making. Even married people can remain strangers if they lack the ability to communicate and trust. You have to reach out and learn to make the most of your natural assets. Almighty “G” has endowed everyone with these capabilities. Do not die with your assets make use of them. Explore each others body. You have to ‘think sex’, ‘wish sex’, ‘talk sex’, ‘walk sex’ and ‘do sex’.

Why is it hard for us to discuss sex with our partners? Usually it is because of repressions – the nagging sense that sex is a bit secretive and should be kept ‘sectioned off’ from the rest of who we are. By getting into the habit of talking to each other during sex, you are breaking down repressive barriers and paving the way for more expressive and intimate pleasure. A lover is not born, a lover is made. Skills may be taught but not passion. Many people can play the piano well enough but very few are true virtuosos and that is because their hearts and souls are into it. It also applies to sex. Give sex the time it deserves. Your heart has to be in sex.

Your sex life with your partner is a reflection of the rest of your relationship. A healthy level of emotional intimacy with each other will come through in the bedroom, and lead to a far more sensual experience for both of you. Make sure you are able to ask for an emotional hold when you need – be that a hug or some words of reassurance and you should be able to offer same when it is asked of you.

People spend hours doing mundane things like going to shows, cooking, eating, exercising, watching television and so on, yet when it comes to sex; they tend to rush through it in a few minutes. Too bad. Like I said earlier sex is the greatest force in the universe it is the source of all lives and all pleasure; this great force is it fair to rush through it in few minutes?

If love is a god and sex is the way to serve it then it deserves the time. Sex bridges communication gap between couples. It makes them more intimate and freer with each other. It is worth taking time to develop great love making skills, especially when couples are getting to know each other. It is even more important if the relationship is having difficulties surviving differences. Often taking more time to be intimate will save the union. When people give up they take their problems into the next relationship.

Take time to explore your lover’s body. Kiss the entire body. No place is out of bounds. However where and what to kiss is an entirely personal thing and there should be no anxiety about whether one or another kissing is normal or not. Everything is normal if it meets with the approval of both people concerned.

Don’t push your desires too far ahead of your partner’s readiness. Communicate how you would love to make love. A great deal of needless tension can be eliminated if people talk honestly about their sexual feelings with each other.

Men are aroused quickly by what they see, while women it is what you say and how you touch them. They usually welcome sweet talk combined with a playful massage. This establishes a relaxed atmosphere and trust. Create the atmosphere of sex. Dim the lights. Put on relaxing music. Use scented body oil. Spray fragrance on the bed sheets. Tell your mate to relax and enjoy. Tell him or her you just want to give pleasure and you want nothing in return.

Tender touching and stroking can lead to erotic massage. Bathing together and exploring each of the many wonders of the other’s body. In massaging you can start with the toes, rub them one by one. Stroke the soles of both feet, leisurely. Smooth the hands, palms and rub each finger, massage the muscles, into the shoulders. Roll his or her body over and sit on the buttocks. Take time to knead and manipulate the back. Leisurely rub the insides of both thighs. Extend the massage into the sexual organs.


Because women are slower to arouse than men, it is still standard practice for the male to prepare the female before penetration. Slowly stroking and kissing her erogenous zones(throat, ears, nipples, inner thighs clitoris and so on) will send the message that she is desirable and can relax and trust you to please her.

Sex is not just a physical activity. The greatest adventure is to include the mind and emotions in your lovemaking. It is an enriching experience for both and increases the desire for romantic love and marriage.

Sizzling sex is not just for new lovers. Hot love is tastier when you add spice and let it simmer for as long as the mixture needs to blend together. The more you and your partner can arouse each other all over, not just through the penis or clitoris, the more sensual your lovemaking will become.

The amount of time you give to sex depends on you. But it is not to be rushed.

Excerpted from: ESOTERIC EROTICA: The Ultimate Practical Guide to a Sizzling Sex Life



2 years ago
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